Tuesday, August 6, 2013

If I'm out of my mind, it's alright with me

So... it's Tuesday.  Running day.  Balls.

I really didn't want to do it.  In fact, I came up with a host of excuses why I did not have to
  1. I didn't work out yesterday, so technically my running days are shuffled.
  2. I can do a different form of cardio.  It's the same thing.
Okay, not a host... two.  Nonetheless, my excuses were weak.  Whether I run today or tomorrow, I still have to run.  As for other forms of cardio... they just don't have the sweat factor that I so crave.

There must be a form of running out there for those of us who truly despise the activity.  Someway... somehow... there's must be some variation that alleviates the guaranteed boredom at the 2 minute and 47 second mark.

Aside from the sheer monotony of running... it really is ineffective if you cannot devote an extensive amount of time at a sustained speed.  I do my workouts during my lunch break at work.  Suffice it to say, I can't afford to spend the entire hour running.  I would have to maintain a 12-minute mile in order to burn 500 calories.  Well... that's just not likely.

As I said.. there's got to be a better way!

So... while I was doing my pre-running stretches (yes... my excuses weren't even solid enough to convince myself) I thought about looking up some interval training.  JACKPOT!!

Interval training involves alternating between two activities for a pre-determined amount of time - or in the case of running, alternating between running and jogging - and at different intensities.




Additionally, interval [running] carries a number of benefits:
  1. Fitness and performance improves quickly
  2. Recovery time improves (decreases)
  3. Intervals improve fitness levels at the same rate as traditional aerobics in far less time
So wait a minute... you're telling me I can STOP running and start intervaling?  This was worth a shot...

I extended my stretch session and did a little bit more research.  Basically, you run then walk over the course of four to five segments.  I say four to five because the overwhelming consensus was not to perform intervals for more than 20 minutes.

Much to my chagrin, I found out that stretching pre-run is a no-no.  Whoops!  Evidently, you want to do a warm up before stretching.  Reason being... your muscles are like rubber bands.  If you pull on a brand new rubber band around a 2-inch stack of papers, you're going to feel the snap.  If you ease the rubber a bit before using it, you will be able to stretch it to the size you need.  Just like the rubber band, your muscles need to warm up before you stretch them.

Now - I am a beginner intervaler... so I didn't want to go balls-to-the-wall and do one minute of running followed by two minutes of jogging.  Sure, that sounds like enough recovery time - but I'm smart enough to know that isn't enough.

My interval training began with a five minute walk.  My speed increased proportionate to the time.  Once I hit the five minute mark, I stopped where I was and did some stretching.  I could honestly feel the difference.  My stretch was a bit deeper.  Less forced.

Next up... the main event!

30-seconds of running followed by two minutes of walking.  I started my run at a relatively slow jog.  Slower than I would normally run when I went for a run.  The follow up was as semi-speed walk.  I did that four more times, culminating in an all out run at the final 30-second sprint.  I then cooled down.  Nothing fancy to report.  Simply walking to bring my heart rate back to a normal level.

I can report that I am in LOVE with interval running.  The notable benefits might be few, the the pay-off more than compensates!
  1. The time flew by!  Once my 20 minutes were up, I was certain I could have kept going.
  2. The boredom was all but present.  At no point during today's workout did I find myself contemplating running out into traffic to stop the agony.
  3. The sweat factor was exactly what I desired.  You'd think a mere three minutes of hard working out wouldn't produce a lot of sweating.  You're wrong, Jack!  I was still sweating when I went into the locker room to get cleaned up.
  4. I caught a peek into the elusive "runners high."  I felt really good when I was done.  I honestly can't wait until Thursday to do it again!
As they say - what goes up must come down.  And so, with positives there are negatives.  My biggest gripe came with trying to time the intervals.  I use the Nike Running app when I run, so I had the time on there - but I had to keep looking to track my 30-second segments and my 2-minute segments.  I'm currently on the hunt for some app that allows me to track the time a bit more efficiently.

Long story short - you should TOTALLY interval run!  This was the most rewarding workout I have experienced in quite some time.  I truly feel as though I improved my fitness level today.  Furthermore, not only is this running I can get on board with; but also, I don't expect I will jump ship anytime soon.

Next up...  Interval weight training.

Until next week, remember:  Eat clean, train mean, and bitch constantly!

Tuesday, July 30, 2013

On your mark... Get set... RUN!


“Running is a big question mark that’s there each and every day. It asks you, ‘Are you going to be a wimp or are you going to be strong today?’” – Peter Maher, Irish-Canadian Olympian and Sub-2:12 marathoner

Well, Peter...  I'm not going to be a wimp.  But I'm for damn sure going to whine about it the entire time.

Hi.  I'm Val, and I hate running.  Ok, maybe I don't HATE running...  But I really despise running.  It is absolutely awful.  Why on earth would someone voluntarily decide to go nowhere quickly?  There are so many other things that can be done to achieve a cardio workout.

Me + running immediately brings one image to mind:



Patsy and Edina.  Huffing and puffing.  Crying and moaning.  This picture creates a perfect graphic description of what I feel I emit facially and attitudinally when I run.  Not quite Fabulous.  

Alas... I decided to run today.

Now - I'm not a a big fan of treadmill running.  It always leads me to one of two trains of thought:

  1. OMG - this is the longest [1... 2... 3... miles] ever.  Why isn't the time moving quicker?  I don't think this is tracking my distance properly.  Is this thing plugged in?  Why am I watching a fishing show?  Is this truly quality television?  Oh boy... you caught a Marlin.  No you didn't!  That's a tire.  Dumbass.  Fuck.  I'm only a quarter mile in.  This sucks.
  2. This must be what a hamster feels like.  Hamsters are stupid.  Oh shit.  That means I'm stupid.
Therefore, I decided to run outside.  Hey... if you have to run, you might as well look at something pretty.  It actually didn't start badly.  A light drizzle had begun just as I journeyed outside.  First thought "ugh... bad idea."  Second thought "hmmm... this might be refreshing."

So, after I did some quick stretching, I hit the pavement.  I started at a moderate slow pace.  I didn't want to waste anytime walking.  This was going to suck and the sucking needed to end as quickly as possible.

I didn't look at the time.  I didn't look at my distance.  I focused on the comedic sounds of Lewis Black emitting from my earbuds and focused on laughing my way through this medieval torture.

Fail.

If it is possible, I actually ran slower than normal today.  Maybe the extended time is due to my bad attitude toward this activity.  Perhaps the rain played a factor, as I tried not to hurt myself on the uneven terrain.  Either way, I ended up spending most of the time thinking to myself "have I burned enough calories for a glass of wine tonight?"  Nonetheless, today's mile and a quarter run was the longest 11 minutes of my life.

After a quick cool down to bring my breathing back down from erratic to intense.  And then a long bending stretch to force the vomit to remain inside my body - I headed back into the gym.

Time to complete my workout.  Day, whatever-the-hell-it-is of my ab challenge.  Sit-ups.  Crunches.  Leg lifts.  Plank.  I didn't feel as though I retained enough energy to complete the workout, but it was done.  And all within my allotted workout time.  Even more surprising, when I went back to work, I found I was more focused and able to get more done in the same amount of time as the morning.  Maybe there is something to this running nonsense...

10 hours after my workout, I am still whiney and noncommittal about running - but I know it is the best allover workout one can achieve.  And lets face it - it seems to bring me to a state of clarity.  Nonetheless, I have still not experienced the elusive "runners high."  And regardless what anyone says, I'm convinced that anyone who claims to reach this high was actually disoriented due to lack of oxygen.

If it weren't for my horse...

Tuesday, July 23, 2013

And on the eighth day God created bacon




Oh bacon...  How we love you and hate you.  Your fatty goodness and propensity to mesh perfectly with anything...  Including my thighs?

Fuck you bacon!  Fuck you and your saturated goodness.

::insert disclaimer about piss poor language and inappropriate content here::

I'm off point.  This blog isn't about bacon at all.  Mmmmmm bacon.......  I digress.  Let me introduce myself and my purpose.

I am a single mom of two very rambunctious kids.  I love my kids.  I love my job.  I love life!

Okay... so why am I here?  I'm here because I'm a fatass on the road to non-fattassedness.

God certainly blessed me with the ability to carry my weight well.  Mostly due to the fact that I don't dress like a two-bit whore.  I wear clothes for the size I am - not the size I want to be.

Let's go back to my bio...  I am 5'5 and 162lbs.  I am 33% body fat.  Don't get me wrong - I appreciate some of it.  I finally have some noticeable boobs.  I wouldn't trade that for all the size 4 jeans in the world; but my mid section has catapulted from a size 8 to a size 12 in the course of 6 months.  Yikes!!

How did it happen?  ((sigh))  A host of reasons:
  1. I like food
  2. I believe my metabolism is hiding behind the fat
  3. I'm stubborn
  4. I love wine
I workout four to five days a week.  And I work hard!  There is no slacking in that department for sure, jack!  But still... I put on the pounds.  Regardless the fact that I am okay with my size, 33% body fat is just not healthy.

I know that the problem lies with the aforementioned reasons.  And I suspect others exist with the same hurdles.  Fortunately, I hate to fail.  So here I am... Day 2... I'm going to make it down to a healthy size.  My journey will involve pain, hunger, anger, setbacks, laughter, and motivation.  But in the end... success!

I'm off to finish today's workout (which began with an hour of sand volleyball):  20 sit-ups, 8 crunches, 8 leg raises, and a 12s plank.  If you're looking for a great start toward more balance and a trimmer mid section, crunch along with me!